Posted by: Tonietta Walters | 25 July 2014

Change Cometh

When a crisis of faith is really about the necessity of updating conceptual frameworks.

It was Daddy’s birthday on Monday. It has been 28 years since he died and I don’t miss him any less. The feeling of loss has been exacerbated as I am trying to recover from losing Uncle Tyrone on April 1st. I mean… really? I comfortably believed my family had a sick sense of humour for a bit rather than face reality.

Mummy was in the hospital on Tuesday. She is home now and fine but I am… tired.

This week I have been feeling like my life has become a Depeche Mode song so God and I had a heated discussion. I won. I always win those discussions because I accepted God’s existence and that means… Yeah, I can clean house and change my iconography. Time to give credit where credit is due. I’ve always believed more in Jesus Christ and my mother  than the big Kahuna anyway… and that is about nothing more the power of belief. Doesn’t matter in what.

Don’t get me wrong. I am still full of belief, still faithful. If there is anything integral to my character, it is faith… in faith. However, I believe it is about time to stop using what has been simply a token since I was a child and realized what I was reading amounted to a really good collection of writing that ended with a made for the movie theatre extended hallucination. It was worth reading several times but the Tao Te Ching has always been clearer to me.

It is time I came up with a more representative token and refine my iconography.

Although it has been easier to use the language I’ve grown up with it is time to change the conversation and use a more representative language. Free up processing space in my brain that I have been using for translation.

Change.

Cometh.

Well, heck if I didn’t already come up with it years ago.

NaNU. NaNU. [Just a note to take a look at this article again: http://www.sentientdevelopments.com/2006/03/our-non-arbitrary-universe.html]

For good measure, the other Depeche Mode song:

 

Posted by: Tonietta Walters | 11 July 2014

Another time never gets here

How does it happen? How does one get so caught up in daily incidentals? How is it that if this person was so important to me that here I sat crying uncontrollably, I never actually made a visit (or even flippin’ called) at the time I was thinking about it instead of putting it off for another time.

My heart hurts.

Another time… Those words are making me cry.

I kept telling myself I needed to try to visit her (never been to her house since I saw her almost every day at the studio) or make some time to meet her somewhere, but…

There won’t be another time.

At this time, all I can do is make a record (now while I feel like crap) in my memory repository – The least I can do is not put this off for another time.

Margaret (Maggie) Soltis,

Even though I thought I missed you, obviously I didn’t really know what that meant because I sure understand now. I will never be able to hear your voice or little giggle again, smile at how tiny your feet are, be in awe of the things you make or feel happy just because you are around and we are trying to figure out how to get something made.

I love you… so much and I’m sorry that you probably didn’t even know just how important you were to me.

I’ll remember you always.

 

Posted by: Xhyra Graf | 30 May 2014

EM Community Meeting – May

Great meeting today in MOSES at the Estate Managers Complex (EMC Sim). We had a great turnout! Having the new Open Virtual Google community to post the meeting notice definitely made a difference. (Thanks Lisa Laxton!)

The bigger turnout is great because we are truly at the point of digging in to get the Broken Tablet Newsletter and rework of the Linda Kellie Lake House Sim from Zadaroo into the finished EMC Sim completed and published by the end of summer.

Woot!

Using the first of the additions we roasted marshmallows. We most certainly do have a more relaxed environment to share work and brainstorm collaborative projects. What a good looking bunch of Virtual Reality adventurers :)

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Posted by: Xhyra Graf | 30 May 2014

The Dugout

The Dugout Miami

The Dugout Miami

Commissioned work for The Dugout bar in Midtown, Miami approved by client review and almost complete.

(No post-processing on image.)

Posted by: Xhyra Graf | 10 March 2014

300: Artemisia is Simply Misunderstood

I feels ya my sista… if only because my mind has been sorely abused by those flippin’ Greeks.

I don’t know if I would go full out Persian though. I try for the Middle Path.

Still, you know what they say.

When the Zen ends the a$$ kicking begins

When the Zen ends the a$$ kicking begins

300: Rise of an Empire

Believe me… See it in IMAX and Real 3D

http://youtu.be/G3Rzy7YqUVU

Posted by: Tonietta Walters | 8 March 2014

*Smiles Big*

Euphoria | XG 2010

Euphoria | XG 2010

The past few hours somehow erased that rested from vacation feeling of riding my own personal beam of light. However, I just witnessed a wonderful (for me) moment of honesty when returning the rental. One of the rental people was heading toward another car and (I just would never believe it if I was told but I saw it with my own eyes) saw me, altered his course in my direction and these words came out, “What a beautiful woman.”

I saw him realize he said it out loud, kind of shake his head and repeat it again. As he got to my window I asked, “Are you talking about me?” To which he replied, “Of course, you’re an incredibly beautiful woman.”

Stunned I mouthed an extended and breathy “Thank you” worthy of Marilyn Monroe and gave him that special brilliant smile reserved for the group of one that made me feel beautiful enough to again feel like I’ve got my own personal beam of light.

Posted by: Tonietta Walters | 4 March 2014

Elevator Statement

Came about while thinking about why I have changed from a Philosophy focus – giving up philosophical discourse not on philosophical analysis or speculative philosophy. Aging has made me be even more pragmatic.

Suryodaya 2014

Suryodaya 2014

The PhD in Mystical Research/Comparative Religion allows me to focus on my personal and community end goals:

  • The making of virtual environments that allow me to reach the same kind of altered state of consciousness that I achieve when I physically create. Subjective Calibration first.
  • Being my own lab rat will hopefully lead to end products/processes that can then be shared in varying permutations – from an opensource package that someone can cost effectively install on a PC and/or sync with on a mobile device [DIY] to a custom made, high-end, holographic virtual reality. Objective Verification second.

*ding*

Posted by: Tonietta Walters | 2 March 2014

“Not Like This…”

I’ve had some insight as to how I’d like my hero’s journey to end. Of course, we don’t always get what we want.

This is a slightly modified version of a Facebook post:

If I am honest with myself I worry that I am not still living the moment that I realized the person I thought was my biggest partner and ally betrayed me when I needed his support for a crucial battle. Like Wallace I just wanted to lay down on the battlefield and let them come get me.

Also, when Wallace trusted again that person (even though he was child-like and adorably happy at the opportunity to once more be an integral part of something) was just a tool that led to Wallace’s evisceration and death. As inspiring as that last freedom yell was, I was crying not cheering.

Fun may not be worth it.

I will not go into the darkness under the knife directed by the token arm of justice for the system said ally deep down would like to NOT be part of anymore, while the people who were there with me through all of the battles watch helplessly. I would rather that freedom yell come as I face the enemy alone, feet firmly planted on the ground, eyes wide open, my blue streaked face/waist length braids stiff with battle grime  – gripping weapons in both hands.

\o/

Heh. Melodrama anyone?

*If you’re a Matrix fan you’ll remember “Not like this…” as Switch’s statement at the unfairness of having a beautiful death stolen from you by someone’s betrayal. I’m a true Westerner so I don’t even want to go in an Eastern culturally & aesthetically pleasing way like the 47 Ronin. Who knows, I may accept something like that but in the name of all that is sacred to me if it must be a hopeless end, let me go down like Stelios in 300.

**This conversation was in the context of releasing control, letting go, having someone else lead (yada, yada, yeah, have you really seen this blog?)  – “All women love but not all women find a man trustworthy enough for biblical submission.”

Posted by: Xhyra Graf | 27 February 2014

Moon in Wolverine Observation

Kali the Destroyer | Living out Loud

Kali the Destroyer | Living out Loud

Continuing to smoke will raise the probability that I will not be around by the time everywhere is smoke free.

So…

Pardon me while I exercise a perverse freedom.

*middle finger Snikt!”

Posted by: Xhyra Graf | 25 February 2014

Hello World

My eyes pop open.
I lie there for a while unable to go back to sleep..
I get up with a groan. Thirsty.
On the way to the kitchen for a drink, a smile comes.
I’ve remembered that I bought Pepsi last night.
Humming contentedly at the sound of the ice clinking against the glass.
I open the bottle – First Fizz.
The smile widens.
I take a deep drink.
Bubbles tickling my upper lip, my brows furrow.
I look at the bottle.
A low animal growl escapes me when I see the zero.
It rumbles out with increased intensity as my eyes land on the word ‘Max’

Hello World, There will be hell to pay.

Hello World, There will be hell to pay.

 

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