Posted by: Xhyra Graf | 6 November 2006

Old habits…

I realize I’m doing it again [and is it so wrong?]. Compensating for that is however the reason I started this blogging thing. 

I’m working things out in my head and there is no spark of the heliarc to let others know that I’m working.  You know, my panties are still in a little bit of a bunch from being told that it seemed like I wasn’t really invested in the Bricolage pieces. It reminds me of the wonderful comment about making my artwork more personal. Put a finger between my hammer and a piece of metal to find out how personal my artwork is or live inside my head while my cells accelerate for the psychological time travel when I hear “I can’t believe after all this time you don’t know what your artwork is about.” Knowledge and meaning… “Do I know what that means?” Christ, That question was asked about the test that determined that I at 10 could read at a 12th grade level.  It was a comprehension test

…And I cry because there is a comandment that says, “Thou shalt not kill.” Hey, I’ve never heard “Thou shalt not maim.” Is there a difference between what the artwork is about and what it does? I wonder if I am the only one that gets that there is?

In any case…

Making Xhyra ‘Making Xhyra’

So here it is, I am trying to wrap my head around the ‘XhyraGraf’ project, baby step beginnings of what I know is the long hard road of learning I’m about to tackle before I can work on the CANVAS that I want and an expression of the basic belief I have that a part of artmaking is the remaking of self.  I just have to remember the necessity of the documentation…why again, remind me, why there is a need for documentation…oh yeah, because a doctored professor who is married to a visual artist and specializes in philosophy of art gets a confused look on his face when I talk about the act of creating being a dynamic process.  Stumped when I ask “What else can it be?”

Unless I’m mistaken, there is STILL the perception that artists go into the bathroom, sit for a bit and voila! artwork, most of which we somehow choose not to flush in order to subject the glorified art viewing public to the things we have digested and processed.

But I did need the wake up call.  “We can be friends, but I WILL fail you.” So, all it takes is for me to… what?  Document.


2010/08/21:  It should be obvious to a trained [or even not so trained] psychologist that issues about knowledge and meaning are deeply personal to me. As I go through updating these posts it enforces the measure of my knowing while not seeming to know. This digitized extension of my memory is a perfect example of the tech+moist media.  I go through these things with the kind of Freudian self or introspective-analysis [toward the Nirvana Principle?] that I wrote about in the ‘Creative Process in the Reverse Engineering of an Anomaly” – a self making or re-making – seeking with the seer.  However I am quite aware that I really do mean re-making.  I believe I have been ‘un-made’ by living and can remember when I was more in tune. I work toward rebuilding that state not toward a new unknown and mysterious state.  Again, it requires the thing that I am not good at [now] – maintenance – it just irks me that I don’t remember it requiring maintenance before. Again… I really can trace it back to the ‘change’ which means I have spent half my life trying to recover the state in which I only spent about a little more than a fifth of my life – not counting the varied times within creating because it used to be constant.  I supposed I should be thankful that I at least have memory of it and thus the capability of recogniton when it returns?


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