Posted by: Xhyra Graf | 1 January 2007

Let go; let God


and it is this thing that some people do not believe Christians have.  The clarity achieved when the whole fits together, to watch the pieces that seem to be randomly floating in the air come together in perfect fit.  The ringing vibration of their inevitable configuration – the ring of truth.  In this lies ultimate reality.  Who cares if it can’t really be explained and who would be one to learn the extremely long complicated alien word that could describe it.  I say work and work some more…until you come to know it also.

So I sat in the pew and made the promise to let go to reach back to etymology of my word – AtOne.  Reaching back to the ancient* – a ceremony that included the ring of mallet on bowl and cleansing fire to burn away the previous years thoughts – I had the moment of clarity – right after I promised to remove myself from the equation in atonement. To not worry about what people thought because it was not me they judged.  Be myself again really – when did this worying about other people begin?  Remove myself to become myself again.  Yes this does seem to be a contradiction.  But this is what feeds my anger [which interestingly enough, I don’t find necessary to let go of], my anger is, at bottom, mourning.  Would that I was born into this world without certain forms of awareness.

Anyway, Kant** and the free harmony of the faculties of the mind – imagination and understanding – a quasi-cognitive state.  From the phenomenal to the noumenal – in this passing over from dependence on space and time into the non-space/time [non-self?] where things just are, being in-itself.

It is in this state that artists do the best of their work.  Those that deny it or don’t know it, well…what?  Too bad.  Don’t know what to do for you.  It is this state that underlies ideas about the moral – the ‘right’ – status of art, specifically fine art – that artists can tell us something about the noumen…about the ideas rather than concepts…about things outside of time and space where the imagined is put through the rigors of the intellect in a dynamic, dialectical process and made real to the phenomenal world.

Yeah, that was real clear…hee  But whatever, it is just going to take some work to write it in a way that is decipherable.

*Who knew I would find kind of thing at First Church.

**Which means I have to go talk to “The Architect” professor [ok, he does remind me of that character] and apologise for sucking as student so I can talk to him about Kant.

Update: In a rare moment of trusting my instincts, which I usually over analyze and tend to distrust, I’ve decide not to talk to the Architect. There is a reason I didn’t want to concentrate on Kant at this point.  The subject matter is enough of a behemoth and there is enough of a headache without having to overcome opinions about what a philosophy Goliath like Kant really meant.  It will overload an already speculative paper with too much technical ‘philosophy’ mumbo jumbo.  This is a Liberal Studies Degree not a Philosophy Degree.  I’ll just have to take it from another angle using this idea as base. Do I want to write about why I’ve really decided not to talk to the Architect? No, because that goes into too fuzzy of an area that no one will get.  Maybe it is enough to note that there is this explanation that is based on a gut feeling reason I don’t want to get into.

BTW, my instincts usually turn out to be incredibly on target which is why this habit I’ve developed of not trusting them is especially annoying.



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