Posted by: Xhyra Graf | 28 April 2007


God. What is it with critics?  I’m so tired of them.  I saw Next.  Loved it. 

I was beginning to worry that I was spoiled 300 style.  Although Hilary Swank is great and her costar is f-f-f-fine [Idris Elba, not the Eric Bana wannabe] don’t go see The Reaping.  Don’t ever, ever, ever, ever see In the Land of the Women*, ever. I think Meg Ryan took a picture of Michelle Pfieffer’s lips to her plastic surgeon and said “These, I want these.” Don’t even rent it. 

But no, I wasn’t really spoiled, because I enjoyed the Next form of superhero, think Unbreakable

Nicolas Cage plays “I am so completely and totally in love with this woman that it doesn’t matter that I’m kind of nerdy looking, I become this ages Jimmy Stewart and women swoon” sooooooo well.  Jessica Biel is simply Jessica Biel and Julianne Moore is a pasty white Meryl Streep with less range. 

Back to the movie which isn’t the actors so much, but the concept. Movie critics don’t like this movie because they don’t…can’t get it.  I spent the movie trying to figure out what kind of mind would be able to handle this phenomenon.  Movies are supposed to stretch.  If you want reality, live it…don’t go to the movies.  Just stop going.  Only watch documentaries.  Admire the film clarity and flawless editing of tonight’s 11 o’clock news.  Simple. 

What did they find wrong with Next?

Let’s try this one –

This critic says:

1. The FBI agent wants to use the precog even though he only has a two minute window, and 2. The precog doesn’t want to help because of some unexplained reason.

Answer: Next time…Watch the movie.**  I understood. The precog didn’t want to do it because he’s a man [a broke down, beat up man, living in that half dead state I recognize where your challenge becomes how to maintain status quo] and he doesn’t think a two minute window is enough even though he has evidence [with the girl] that he might be able to see more. Duh!  The FBI agent wants to use him because she’s a woman and she realizes that he can probably push his time limit. Duh!

3rd criticism: “generic love interest” that is only “good for moving the plot along by getting captured or coerced.” OK.  Sigh.  Logic, my friend, is only as good as the brain that uses it.***  Jessica Biel is generic, don’t blame that on the movie. [Scarlett Johansson can be on screen for one second and make an impression].  In any case, her character is the ‘push of time limit’ catalyst…Frell.

4th criticism: If he takes “two minutes to view what happens in the future, won’t the two minutes have arrived by the time he’s viewed it?”  First of all it, nowhere is it said that he takes two minutes to view what happens in the future.  He can view two minutes into the future.  That is different.  And you know what?  It wouldn’t take two minutes to “view” the future for the same reason a dancer can run through the important parts of an entire 2 hour performance in her head a few minutes before performing. The reason I can run through in a few seconds what it’s going to take for me to weld or forge some steel before beginning something that takes me most of the night.

And last but not least: If we pay attention to the gist of his criticism, he then uses the forest/trees metaphor in a way that makes no sense.  Exactly what are the “deeper” issues raised in this movie, that would be illustrated any better by making the movie pander to people like this critic? He doesn’t get it and I get sooooo tired. 

Everyone else, go see the movie.

OK, maybe I have to agree with him about the special effects, but I’ll disagree just because I find him irritating.

*By the way, it has now replaced The New World as the definition of ‘sucked’ 

**It’s this disgusting habit that God help me, I am beginning to pick up because they are beginning to teach to this model of student. Frell! Let’s see.  You are in a university setting.  Maybe, just maybe the doctored professor comes to each class with an agenda.  Gee, maybe he intends to fully cover a topic today.  Do you suppose that question you may have would be answered if you just SHUT UP and let him get through his notes for the day?  If not, THEN you can ask your question.  Shut up, listen, observe…you might learn something.

***Don’t let me get started on this guy –


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