Posted by: Xhyra Graf | 17 November 2007


Did you say skirt?!

Ellie Schneiderman refers to her Art Centers as Installations. 

The first time I heard her say that it clicked somewhere in my head.  However as usual, “It is different to know the path than to walk the path, Neo.”  It unfortunately hadn’t occurred to me in a walking vs. knowing manner to account for the fact that I put much more faith in the non-arbitrary nature of existence than most people.  Like the fiberglass resin…You don’t have to do much more than set up your basic form and make sure you add the right amount of MEK to get something wonderful.  However, no one knows that until they’ve inhaled a shitload of resin fumes. 

So, in essence, because of the way I function avoiding resistence is futile.  Because if you’re not spouting a truckload of bullshit you can’t possibly have a plan.

The way I work is unacceptable for most people.  I work in silence putting things in place with a whole picture in my head and just try to make sure I’m in the right place at the right time with the fricking MEK dropper.  You mostly just have to stay the hell out of my way because I work organically with my materials.  As with any art, I don’t give a fuck what anyone says, this does not happen properly in a situation where your creative control is stymied by people who don’t know what the hell they are talking about, no matter how well meaning they are.  Which of course they won’t if what they are talking about is my creative project or installation

And everyone is a flipping artist, right?

Yes, I am angry.

I allowed myself to work in noise and it is sinking in why thoughts have been popping up in my head a lot lately about the art pieces I have destroyed because I was unhappy with how they turned out.

I got the email with the pictures of the “museum” of the other [another] RL artist in Second Life and was reminded of the unfinished SL replica of TAO Zone.  It occured to me [again] that I would not have DSL service in TAO Studios RL until February, therefore would not have the tools to make my art in the “art incubator” that is only a pseudo version of what I want.  Which I resolved to deal with while listening to others make comments like “What you are doing is good but” my pie in the sky “idea” is much more far reaching, revolutionary and “feasible”

Yes, you better believe I am angry and as usual I am angry at myself.  I allowed myself to work in noise with a roomful of “crazy-makers”.  And of course, there’s always this: The Dream I

A whole heck of a lot of pulling out the balls and throwing them down on the table for measurement is going to have to happen for the quantum fields to align and I don’t feel like manufacturing any.  So, what do I do?  Have faith that the non-arbitrary nature of existence intends that at some point it will be necessary for me to develop and brandish King Kong sized testicles?

Breaking things sounds good right about fucking now.


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