Posted by: Xhyra Graf | 22 July 2009

So there’s the rub…

Darkling gaze...

I sit or stand or walk around thinking about abstract and possibly inane things then get news like Miss Evans being shot in both legs. What? How? She’s fine but come on!  Of course, I was just reminded that the window of gallery was shot out not too long ago… but this is my point.

There’s nothing inherently dangerous about armchair philosophy but then, there is the large possibility that there’s nothing inherently good about it. There is the dream that over 2000 years from now someone will note that this is when a new turn of thought happened – like when Thales said “Everything is water.” Three words-big whoop. No one unreservedly would say that “philosophizing” or being an artist, especially in the sense that I am an artist, is a good thing.  On the surface it seems petty and self-absorbed.

On the other hand – gunshots, pee-corners, hoodlums, chicken-men and the recently discovered phenomenon of soul-sucking vampire|zombie artists, come with bringing the arts to an “underserved” neighbourhood; let’s expand that to… an underserved and unaware of their place in the world city. Doing such a thing raises the possibility of being in harm’s way, but this is what people think of as the “good” thing to do.

Why do the “good” thing?  I got no illusions.  I am not the Christ. The cross I bear is a wicked temper probably solely grounded in the perceived injustice of not being able to pee standing up and working my through to having a balanced psyche where I’m comfortable with peeing sitting down. So… why put myself in harm’s way?  [Yes, I’ve made Miss Evans being shot become a diatribe about me and what I should do. Deal. My Blog.]

Now, I’m not really putting myself in harm’s way by doing the Flinders Uni project.  On the contrary, I’m even excited about the fact that the larger project may make a “meaningful” difference.  But it’s the same kind of choice, no?  Having to face more and more that I can’t do everything it becomes a choice between doing something like that [which will take a fair amount of work] and the other thing… immersing myself in the armchair bound navel gazing.

If I am to legitimately do “practice-led” research focused on deeply subjective portions of the creative process and other deeply subjective [by “deeply” I mean experiences other people find questionable, even more questionable than “qualia” itself] and then try to translate this to ‘analytic’ language, it is not something I can approach half-assed. It’s going to take some work, concentration and more than a little anal retentiveness.

Or maybe, I’m making a mountain out of a molehill.  No, it’s a relevant thing to think about at this stage of my body’s decent into the years of decay [l’m not melodramatic at all, heh!].  I’m just trying to ensure that [and I can’t believe I’m going to use this quote] I “create my bigger Yes.”

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