Posted by: Xhyra Graf | 10 September 2009

It’s a new day…

It's a new day...

So, succeeded in starting my day with something “art”

I find that I’m a bit tired…  Overwhelmed maybe by all the things that I have to do plus the things that I really should be doing but am not.   Just in deep denial that there are things, more things, that will have to be discarded or at the very least moved to the very bottom of my list.  I have to force myself to go through the process of evaluation and prioritize.  I’m playing a very circular game of avoidance.  Practicing avoidance…  I’m very good at this. 

But… at least I got some images completed.  I wonder when I’ll be able to write?  It’s like a thing I have within reach and look at daily, several times a day but refuse to pick up.  [Segue: It really pisses me off that men don’t go through menopause. In another world I would be a serial killer and force men to go through hot flashes, night sweats and feed them mind altering drugs before bleeding them out.]    Still, I know why this is so.  I am not organized enough to write.  Too many loose ends.  There are still things that need to go because I know that once I begin the process all else falls to the wayside.  Well, maybe that’s the answer.  I’ll just start and stop worrying about obligations to others.  If it falls by the wayside, then so be it.  [Segue 2: It is especially aggravating to have to do this to come to simple decisions that should be no brainers.  It’s becomes clear to me every once in a while that I keep getting stuck in some kind of repeating loop within my mental processes that prevents me from taking action and again I curse the day that I was born a woman.  I really, really hope there is no God.]

First thing to remember is to stop feeling pressured to do the responsible thing.  [Responsible thing or subconsciously chosen scapegoat for not accomplishing the things I need to accomplish over the next few months].  I never should have kept that Ethics class. I knew exactly how much I was going to be able to handle and it did not include this extra course.

Oh well, complain, bitch, moan.

It was an accomplishment to get a smile out of the newly made over [including awesome blue hair!] MarChrist.  Dock and waves for the Flinders site.  So, I did some things today… and all before noon.

Now I can go to “work”


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