Posted by: Tonietta Walters | 2 March 2014

“Not Like This…”

I’ve had some insight as to how I’d like my hero’s journey to end. Of course, we don’t always get what we want.

This is a slightly modified version of a Facebook post:

If I am honest with myself I worry that I am not still living the moment that I realized the person I thought was my biggest partner and ally betrayed me when I needed his support for a crucial battle. Like Wallace I just wanted to lay down on the battlefield and let them come get me.

Also, when Wallace trusted again that person (even though he was child-like and adorably happy at the opportunity to once more be an integral part of something) was just a tool that led to Wallace’s evisceration and death. As inspiring as that last freedom yell was, I was crying not cheering.

Fun may not be worth it.

I will not go into the darkness under the knife directed by the token arm of justice for the system said ally deep down would like to NOT be part of anymore, while the people who were there with me through all of the battles watch helplessly. I would rather that freedom yell come as I face the enemy alone, feet firmly planted on the ground, eyes wide open, my blue streaked face/waist length braids stiff with battle grime  – gripping weapons in both hands.


Heh. Melodrama anyone?

*If you’re a Matrix fan you’ll remember “Not like this…” as Switch’s statement at the unfairness of having a beautiful death stolen from you by someone’s betrayal. I’m a true Westerner so I don’t even want to go in an Eastern culturally & aesthetically pleasing way like the 47 Ronin. Who knows, I may accept something like that but in the name of all that is sacred to me if it must be a hopeless end, let me go down like Stelios in 300.

**This conversation was in the context of releasing control, letting go, having someone else lead (yada, yada, yeah, have you really seen this blog?)  – “All women love but not all women find a man trustworthy enough for biblical submission.”


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