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The different permutations of Xhyra Graf…

It’s funny how many changes there have been. Each time I think I’ve settled in on something I find some things that need to be changed. It’s been a revelation to me that the virtual Xhyra Graf still had to somehow match some residual self-image.  What I think it’s like to be me…at least be something that made me comfortable.

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 A ‘conversation’ at FIU’s Biscayne Bay Campus registrar’s office.

Tonie: How long does it take for this to go through?

Diego: Seven business days

Tonie: Oh no! Is there anyway possible that it can be done sooner?

Diego: Seven business days

Tonie: But I might get thrown out of school if this doesn’t go through in time! [OK, so I exaggerated a little.]

Diego: Seven business days

Tonie: Hmmm

I originally walked away not in the least nonplussed…I had tried. 

However, somewhere along the line it sunk in that someone who works for a University only had three words in his vocabulary.  I thought to myself “Hey, wait a minute! That was kind of rude. I mean what if I really was going to be kicked out of school?”

So I went back to ask for his name so I could write a letter.  All of a sudden he was agitated and his vocabulary expanded a little.  He wouldn’t give me his last name.  Although he said ‘seven business days’ two more times, at least I got a rise out of him.  Don’t even need to write the letter… Some emotion from an automaton.  My work here was done.  I feel better.

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Finally started doing some reading again for the final Master’s paper [which I’m supposed to finish next semester, if I manage not to flunk out.]

I think the break was necessary.  And…I think the Marx/Buddha paper actually helped a bit, although I still have no desire to convert.  In typical Tonie fashion, I think if you read Christianity right, it says the same basic thing…this world not real; it’s just the time needed for exercises you must go through in order to align your head correctly so you can face the inevitability of death without fear.  Yada, Yada, Yada. 

Yeah…I can just hear the Praise and Worship CD scratch to a halt as the music minister faints, then falls on top of the stereo system.

Anyway, Woohoo! It has been good to begin reading this stuff again.  Came across: The Taboo of Subjectivity: Toward a New Science of Consciousness. 

It’s on my .  I need more friends, that list is looooong. Some of these I just want to have my own copy.  Add extensive fines by the school library to the list of things I have to take care of before I can graduate.  I’m going to rework the outline over the next few weeks and get to steppin’. It’s going to be a challenge.

In particular, I have to take another look at

The View from Within: First-person Approaches to the Study of Consciousness

and,

Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention

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I was organizing my computer files and came across these.  I made these up with a program I found on the net called Hero Machine sometime earlier this year. Sheesh, how long does it take me to get to things. 

I was doing some research and came upon a comparison between Second Life and Active Worlds.  I remember when Active Worlds came out or relaunched or whatever. My computer was not up to par or something like that.  Can’t remember the details.  I have to say, SL Avatars are visually more appealing, even the standard ones.  The ones that people have customized with their own skins are enough to make me curse my lack of stick-to-it-iveness.  Well, I curse anyway after I think I’ve aligned some thing from one angle and from another it ends up looking like this…

 yeah…I did get it straightened out.  I’m in the background [with new ‘Storm’ white hair] looking for something to break or just, just…DELETE. Frell! I just wanted some shelves.  How hard should that be?

So it will be my challenge to see if I can make the Hero Machine getup for the XhyraGraf.  The details will be challenging but I think this will be the final look. Xena eat your heart out!

Of course, the best part is Tygra, my not so little companion…more useful and less talkative than a Gabrielle. Just kidding, I grew to like Gabrielle; especially when she started to use the sais.  Hmmm…How would I go about having a Tygra in SL?

 Can you see what’s different between the two Xhyra’s?

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I can’t complain.  It’s my fault I am where I am.  But it doesn’t prevent me from being irritated.

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So I watched the ‘Prepare Yourself’ video from Second Life [shot entirely in world]. It occurred to me… what’s the point of having a second life if you just clone yourself. And I did a makeover.

 

After sitting down to some succhi and doing some thinking, I decided that even though I was wearing a cool tattoo it was a bit overboard. And somehow…not enough.  Blue skin like Zhaan would have been good.  It was also troubling me that it was someone else’s skin and tattoo [meaning someone else made it].  I finally settled on this:

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I look like a slightly darker Aeryn Sun. [Who remembers that she was also an amazon in an episode of Xena?]

To get this look: I went back to the original, slimmed down the body, lengthened the hair and that was it. [hmmm…just noticed I’m not saying me or my anymore.]  At this point I was trying to decide on the gun or the sword.  I think I’ll alternate.

Gonna make some knives and an ankle sheath…

Maybe a small dagger and a breast sheath.

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Update 03-24-11: Have recurring reflective memory of this phrase so finally looked it up on the blog. Found the following section of the paper useful… and of course the paper itself seems useful for me in thinking about spirituality and transhumanism.

The Buddhist concept of Samudaya, from the Noble Truths, is that there is a cause for suffering – Desire [or clinging].    Desire is caused by the inability to recognize anicca or the impermanence of the five aggregates of human material existence; without realizing that the fundamental nature of all phenomena is anatta or to be impermanent, it is impossible to come to an understanding of the insubstantiality of self; so dukkha or suffering increases.

*************************

Well it’s finally done.  Has been done, I just had to sit on it for a bit.  It was an exercise in asserting myself, worse than BFA orals …and no-one was around.

Link here: Humanist Compatibilities Between Marxism & Buddhism

What makes me think I could make this clear? It was a struggle…

You chose to do this.  You could have chosen something else.

But I don’t wanna!

Well, you chose it.

Frelling dren!  OK, self, non-self, materialist, idealist, spirit, consciousness…I don’t wanna!

So…the Master’s paper looms over my head.  Self wants to disappear into nothingness.  Why do I do this to myself?  What is the purpose?  It would seem that it would be easier for me to spend some time alone to figure this stuff out and then, if possible, ping out of existence and leave all this behind.

But…it’s done.  I’ll look at it again in January.

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In an effort to calm my mind with monotony, I took a ton of SL snapshots and compiled 86? [I think that’s the right number] of them into a short; a 360 spin.  Would that I were Buddhist so I could possibly have at least the discernment [um… oh yeah, that’s also a christian concept, my bad] to see my way out of the circle of thinking.  Of course my attachment to the desire to externally resolve things already internally resolved may be my karmic challenge.  Anyway, bad internet connection so the rest of the Warmouth hub did not resolve, it’s still an OK shot.  Here it is, although there is no reason for anyone to look at it unless they want to get dizzy.  Not quite fast enough and there are 3 hiccups, including the beginning in a loop, which I’ll fix later. 

Just…what? Documentation.  It will show up later in another video with a sun zoom section.  I’ll just keep on making film out of still shots until I learn how to do it seamlessly and yes, artfully.

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After many, many attempts [I kept getting booted off the internet connection] I finally got the Xhyra Graf Flash slideshow/video uploaded.

I spent some time trying to make SL sculpture.  It’s helping me to understand [better than my previous tries with 3D software] how to manipulate the individual ‘primitives’ and add textures, align them, etc.  What I found interesting is I still had some attachment to body size/physical self reference when deciding on the scale. I guess in this case it is more like ‘visual field’.  I had to consciously make the decision to step back in order to allow the sculpture to be larger and also found it somewhat disconcerting that I could not gauge what was going on with all of the sculpture during some points of stretching and rotating the primitives.  It’s what prevents me from making big ass sculpture in RL…although, I had decided that I would work in modules like building blocks.  I guess I can do that in SL also.  Here are the first attempts:

     

What do you call this? ‘Metal Grating Sculpture’ I guess – Made of three primitives…two for the sculpture and one for the concrete block that I would have to bolt it to if it was in RL.  I must say that it was an interesting experience, quite frustrating and satisfying at the same time.  Hmmm, kind of like making artwork in general.  I had trouble aligning everything into a satisfying visual composition.  Trial and error and paying attention to the calculations finally did it.  The intuitive interface and almost immediate [had some trouble with depth perception, thinking I placed the sculpture in the center of the block when it was actually hanging off the edge in the back] visual confirmation made it much easier than using a forge…ha!

 

This is another metal sculpture – two primitives.  The little thing that looks like some kind of insect in front of it is supposed to be me, somehow it’s just my earrings and choker [accessories to my cowgirl attire]. My avator didn’t show up for some reason. I can’t even take credit for taking a snapshot without me in it.  The sculpture is not done…in RL that would never stand up or would fall over from a slight push.  I have a thin stretched conical piece in my inventory to use for support, that I didn’t have time to place.  I’ll get back to it in a few days.

What is really cool is the interactive sculpture, ‘Goofy Balls’, in the background made by Hare Pace [I think that was her name, you can see her standing next to them] – the balls change color, size and configuration as you touch them.  She just created a gallery.  I’ll visit her there soon…

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Could NOT for the life of me get the in world video capture to work. 

So I compiled the photos in Windows Movie Maker.  Of course, this means it’s not really a video but more like a slide presentation.  Some of the snapshots have the Second Life interface in them…but that’s OK.

Video link:  Xhyra Graf of a Second Life. 

It was good practice.  You can actually tell [well I can anyway] that I was getting better at framing shots, etc. Now I can go in and take better pictures, do better edits and cropping in a graphics program and see what I can put together.

Eventually I’ll figure out what is wrong with my setup and get the in world video capture to work.

Update: Version on YouTube